Hi, I am Beth Novak, and I would like to share with you how
God has, and continues to, heal me. My story is two-fold, in that
God has been helping me with spiritual healing and healing over an addiction
for the past several months.
I grew up in a family where we attended church, but we never
really talked about God. In a family where we had Bibles, but we rarely opened
them. I think we went to church because my parents thought it was the “right
thing to do.” I went to Sunday school and was later confirmed at a Lutheran
Church, but I honestly think that I was in it more for the youth ski trips,
retreats and just hanging out with friends than for getting to know God or to
build a relationship with him.
I didn’t really have much to do with church again until my
husband, Victor, and I were planning to get married. We went through our
pre-marital classes at our local Lutheran Church, and remained in the Lutheran
Church as regular and active members for 23 years. As we began our family,
attending church was very important to me. I wanted my children to go to Sunday
school to learn about God and to be confirmed, just like I did. Because it was
the “right thing to do.”
I became a Sunday school teacher and later, a confirmation
leader. You might say that we attended church “religiously.” I felt like I was
“doing the right thing,” but that was it. It was a routine, an action, a sort
of “going through the motions.” A practice of customs and traditions. A
religion, but no relationship with God.
I definitely felt like something was missing in my life, but
I didn’t know what it was. I had a good job and a great family. I had
considered myself to be a Christian (according to the definition I had for
being a Christian…which was someone who believed in God and attended church).
But still, I felt insecure and alone.
Four years ago, our teenage daughter, Amanda, was invited to
Cedar Valley Church with a friend’s family. She began to attend the Wednesday
night Paradigm Group for High School students. It was here where she invited
Jesus Christ into her life and she has not been the same since –
Praise God!! She is “on fire” for the Lord!! I could see and feel this new joy
and power within her and I was eager to feel it too. She would invite us to
services and special events and I could see that this joy and peace within
people was actually quite common here, at CVC. What was going on here that I
wasn’t finding elsewhere?
We began to regularly attend Cedar Valley Sunday Services
last year and that is where we learned about the Alpha program.
But, before I tell you how discovering Alpha has changed my
life, I must back up a bit and tell you about the stronghold that the devil had
on me. You see, for much of my adult life, I used alcohol…excuse me…I overused
alcohol to numb my feelings of emptiness and low self-worth.
My mother was an alcoholic, so this should not have been a
surprise to me. However, I thought I was different. I thought that I could have
a few drinks or glasses of wine to feel good, and that I could quit at any time
and in my own power. I was wrong. You see, I began to drink more as life became
more difficult. As my job became more stressful, I drank more. As my children
became teenagers, with teenage “issues”, I drank more. As my drinking caused
problems in my marriage, I drank more. And, as I became worried about how much
I was drinking, unfortunately, I drank more.
I actually realized a few years ago that I NEEDED to quit
drinking. No problem. I am a smart person. I want to quit – then I will quit.
Right? Wrong.
Although I tried dozens of times to quit drinking on my own,
each time I tried, I failed quickly and miserably. If I was actually able to
make it for a whole week, then that was it. I would ALWAYS fall by the second
week. I did a pretty good job of covering up my addiction except to those
closest to me. I was smart about never driving after drinking, so as not to get
a DUI which would not only put many people in danger, but it would also put my
name in the local paper (causing embarrassment), send me to jail (which would
make me feel a failure) and cost us lots of money in legal and insurance fees. There
were plenty of times when my kids had to find a ride with a friend or not go to
an event at all, because I had been drinking. I never called in sick due to
drinking from the night before, but I am sure that I did very little actual
work on the days when my head was pounding and my stomach was queasy from the
prior night’s binge. Oh how I pretended I was OK, keeping my problem secret.
The truth is…I was a mess and I wanted to be rescued.
The devil was VERY PLEASED at where he had me…Unhappy with
who I was, Overwhelmed and stressed at my job, Unable to keep my marriage from
growing apart, and addicted to alcohol. Yes, the evil one was winning and his
greatest pleasure came from the fact that I really had no personal relationship
with the only One who could rescue me from all of this...The Lord, Our God.
But, THIS IS WHERE THE STORY TURNS!!! My decision to join Alpha last September was
a life changing one. On the very first night, when Pastor Tom asked us to bow
our heads, close our eyes, and raise our hands if we wanted to accept Jesus
into our hearts and into our lives, my hand went up, high in the air (I am a
little short and I didn’t want God to miss me)! I hungered to really KNOW God
and to feel his love for me. I wanted what I knew I was missing - The joy and
peace that I could sense in the Christians I was meeting at Cedar Valley, and
in my daughter who was becoming a beautiful woman of God right before my very
eyes. I too, wanted to follow Jesus and experience what they all have.
OK, well that was easy. Just raise your hand in a room full
of closed eyes and bowed heads. Pray the prayer of asking for forgiveness and
inviting God into your life through Jesus Christ, his Son…All done very quietly
and personally. No one needs to know how messed up I am.
Pastor Tom asked everyone who made the decision to follow
Christ that night to come up and pray with him before leaving. This is where I felt bold enough to share
with him, very quietly, that I too, struggle with alcohol. After all, he had
just given his testimony which included his drinking problem, so I did not feel
shame in admitting that I have the same problem. He asked me to call him very
soon so we could meet. He said that he could give me the hope and tools I could
use to climb out of this hole. I believe that he meant for me to call him in a
day or two. Hmmm…it took me 6 weeks to contact Pastor Tom about this…The delay would
be the devil again trying to hold me in his grasp. The devil is very persistent
with his attacks when he sees you move towards God.
It was October 17th. I had drunk a bottle of wine
plus a portion of a second bottle the night before. In the morning, I poured
the leftover wine down the sink and stated out loud to God that this was it. I
am done, but I need His help. It was a very short prayer…GOD PLEASE HELP ME. It
seems to me that when we are at our lowest lows, in our deepest despair, we are
able to pray only a few words. God knows our needs even without the words, but
we cry out for him and hope that he responds. Make no mistake, he hears our
cries.
That day, everything began to change. I contacted Pastor Tom,
who stated that he had been praying for and waiting for my call since I told
him of my problem 6 weeks prior. We met two days later and he gave me so much
hope and prayer that I knew I could do this, with God’s help this time. I will
never forget the bible verse he sent me away with. It was Galatians 5:1…It is
for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand Firm then, and do not let
yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery. I kept this scripture in my
pocket and referred to it many times over the next few several weeks as a
reminder to stand firm in this fight.
A few days following
my meeting with Pastor Tom, I attended Holy Spirit Saturday. I was 6 days sober
and I wanted that trend to continue. I learned that the Holy Spirit becomes a
part of us when we give our lives to Jesus. The Holy Spirit guides you as you
walk with God. He gives you power that you never had before you knew God.
Through His power, you can accomplish great things for God.
I stand here today to tell you that, because of the power of
the Holy Spirit in me, I have stood firm against the slavery of alcohol. Today
is my 136th day of freedom. That is a miracle and the glory is ALL
His!!!!
But that is not all! Ten days ago, I was water baptized here
at Cedar Valley. This was an outward expression of my inner commitment to
follow Christ. Although I asked Jesus into my life in early September, I
couldn’t really feel a relationship with him until I got rid of the barrier…the
sin. You see, it is sin which blocks us from getting closer to God. My alcohol
abuse prevented a real relationship from forming between me and God. Once that
sin was removed…the bridge was wide open and I started to feel his healing power
and his love right away. I am a new Christian and I am growing in little ways
each day.
However, my life is not without problems. In fact, I believe
that the devil has recently stepped up his attacks to try and take me back
under his influence. The devil would like nothing more than to see me fall. But
he is powerless against our ALL POWERFUL God. The Holy Spirit helps me to
recognize the devil’s messages for the LIES that they really are. I am a new
creation in Christ, growing in my walk with him every day, and I am excited to
see how he will use me to help others and to bring him glory. Thank you and God bless.
