15 Things I'd Tell 15 Year Old Me

1) It's ok that you haven't kissed a boy yet. You will be so thankful you waited.

2) There is so much more to who you are than trying to be "the prettiest girl in the room."

3) Be nice to your mom. She loves you so much, and will become your best friend.

4) If your heart is telling you not to do something, DON'T.

5) The popular crowd is overrated.

6) Always sit and talk with the person who is by themselves. Be nice to everyone, and don't gossip.

7) Go to that youth group you keep getting invited to. It will change your life.

8) Don't let insecurity hold you back from trying anything new, or make you quit something you love.

9) When a "friend" belittles you, say goodbye to that relationship. Choose friends who make you feel good about who you are.

10) You are deeply loved by more people than you know. Remember that.

11) Your legs are not fat. They are strong, beautiful, and will carry you through a marathon someday. Take care of your body, and appreciate the health you have.

12) Talk to your brothers. Be their friend. I know you're all in this awkward teenager stage right now, but they need you - and you need them. Your time with them is precious.

13) Sometimes things feel really painful and impossible right now, but please don't give up. Trust me, life gets so much better.

14) One true friend is better than five flaky ones.

15) You are beautiful, smart, witty, talented, and one-of-a-kind. There is no else quite like you, and that's an incredible thing. The world needs your unique beauty. Be confidently you, because that is what will change the world. ❤️

Second Best

"You did a good job, but not good enough. 

You are pretty, but not pretty enough.

You are talented, but not talented enough.

You are smart, but not smart enough.

You did all you could, but it was not enough. "

These are some of the haunting thought patterns that are all too familiar to someone who has fallen prey to the lie that in comparison to others, they are only second best.

Truthfully, right now, two days before I graduate from college, I should be writing a ten page paper and studying for a humongous final. Even so, my heart and mind are racing with passion and cannot help but shed light and truth onto this lie that so many women I know, and I am sure men as well, have accepted about themselves.

Those that are close to me know that part of my story is that throughout middle school and the beginning of high school I struggled with anorexia. I struggled to see any worth or significance in myself. I compared myself to any girl that walked into the room, and no matter who she was or what she looked like, for whatever reason, in my mind I always came up short. I was always just second best. Sadly, I have heard this story of always being just "second best" repeated out of the mouths of countless teenage girls, close friends of mine, adult women in my life, and I am positive there are more. This absolutely. breaks. my. heart. 

The truth is, that when you accept being second best, it is only then that you become second best. It is then that you settle for a lie, and become the second best version of you. When we exchange the truth for a lie, despite its promises to fulfill, all we find is death. Death to our joy, our passion, our dreams, our confidence, our potential, our strength, our uniqueness, our desire to take risks, and so much more. Comparison kills. A mentor of mine shared a beautiful illustration with me. She described women as a whole like a museum. Each woman representing a different piece of art, a different masterpiece within the museum. When you go to a museum and admire all of the pieces displayed, one piece's beauty does not take away from another's. No, truly each piece is to be celebrated and admired for its own uniqueness and beauty. There is something to learn from and appreciate in each work of art. 

Together, we make up the body of Christ, all with different functions, giftings, and callings that come together to form one beautiful, powerful movement. If just one part of the body fails to function properly, fails to embrace who God has created them to be, the whole body suffers and is weaker. For example, say you have a nose and a foot. The nose thinks the foot is the most pretty, funny, smart part of the whole body. The nose wishes it was more like the foot. So, the nose tries everything possible to be like the foot. Of course, it is not long before the nose feels hopeless. No matter how hard it tries to be like the foot, it just cannot be a foot. It feels like just second best in comparison. Realistically, of course the nose cannot be a foot - it was not created to be a foot! A nose and a foot have completely different functions, but each equally important for one whole, functioning body. There is no second best part within the body. Each part is necessary. Each limb is important. Each individual has infinite value in order for the whole to function most effectively.

So, beautiful girl, you are not second best. You are strong. You are gifted. You are loved. You are valuable. You have worth. You have so much to offer this world. You are chosen. You are destined for greatness. You matter. Do not be held back by a lie that tells you any differently. 

Your greatest weapon against comparison is the Word of God. The Bible. The truth. I cannot stress enough the importance of reading and knowing the Word. It will radically transform your heart, mind, the way you view other people, and the way you view yourself.

I long for the day when women walk in freedom and confidence. I long for the day when women truly understand that comparison kills, and do not fall victim to it. I long for the day when women are no longer overwhelmed by the painful weight of always striving to be better, to be "the best." I long for the day when women's hearts are at peace with who they are and who they have been created to be, for that is when we are truly the best.

#HASHTAGCAMP

*Drum roll please*
(side note: if you didn't click play on the song above, go back and do so now. you must. it's so great.)

     IS GOD GOOD OR WHAT?! Buckle up for some crazy praise reports, my friends! I spent last week counseling seven high school girls at Lake Geneva Christian Center in Alexandria, MN. I went into the week thinking it was going to be the easiest week ever since all my girls are so stellar. In all actuality, [my girls are still stellar, but] the week started out quite challenging to me as a leader! After the first day or two, I had to let go of my personal camp expectations and allow my desire to ultimately be God's Will for the week, not mine. As I did that, God really began to speak to me about my girls. Having some one-on-one time with them also made a world of difference in learning where their hearts were at. Later in the week I was able to affirm them as student leaders and encourage them to ask God what He would have for them personally each day, as well as take advantage of opportunities to lead others around them who may not be as spiritually mature as them. Wow oh wow, was that a game changer! So proud of those beautiful young women.
   
     One of my girls, whom I'd never met before, came in with a lot of incomprehensible baggage and pain. Even from just a physical perspective, you could tell she was being weighed down. I was in awe, but so thankful she opened up to me right away that first night. God's favor for sure. On the last night, after praying with another one of my girls (acting out in student leadership, hallelujah, so proud), she was baptized in the Holy Spirit!! Praise God! What a transformation over the course of the week!

I literally lost track of the amount of healings I was blessed to witness. God taught me so much about healing ministry this week. I didn't even know this was a spiritual gift, but I am so honored to say that I believe God has anointed me to heal people through.. so crazy!! It all started with a little prayer last summer asking God if I could have the privilege of witnessing just one physical healing because it would be super cool to see. Ha, it is incredible what He's shown me in just one year! So many miraculous healings! This past week at camp alone as far as I know of/remember:

-Andrea's ankle (see ya, crutches) -Caraline's feet/ankles (state champion high jumper who hadn't been able to jump in months, but so passionate about it and gifted at it, went out to the track Saturday morning to jump... PAIN FREE!) -Taylor's two different length arms -Taylor's sense of smell -Cut on Emma's foot -Connor's deaf right ear -Molly's dislocated knee -Jason's messed up knee -This girl's jacked up neck/back after a car accident -A leader's lost voice

ALL HEALED IN THE NAME OF JESUS! Not to mention, all God taught me about faith and healing, as well as different reasons why healing may not occur the second we ask. I asked God on Monday afternoon (the day we arrived) to heal just one of my girls through me during the week. What a demonstration of His power it would be to them. Wow. He just multiplies that request to no end. Nothing like His provision. Thankful for an awesome week and even more so for such an awesome God.

In the Midst of Tragedy.

"Where, O death, is your victory?

 Where, O death, is your sting?"    

- 1 Corinthians 15:55

     In this past week alone, I've received the trying news of three individuals' deaths whom I personally knew. My heart is heavy for fellow friends and families of these souls. Tragically, one of the deaths was a young, beautiful, nineteen year old girl, named Taylor, who I knew from high school FCA. My Facebook newsfeed is filled with sweet tributes, nostalgic photos, posts regarding prayer, and encouragement to others' affected by the loss.

     In the midst of a tragedy like this, many are feeling the sting. The sting of a loved one no longer here. The sting of, "why?" So when 1 Corinthians 15:55 asks death where its victory and sting have gone, what is it referring to?

Jesus.

     As believers, Jesus' death and resurrection have given us victory over death (and all our sin). In this chapter of the Bible, Paul was reassuring the Corinthians (and us) that Jesus' resurrection from the dead was a real event and a real victory. Someone shared an illustration with me once involving a young boy sitting on his mother's lap. The two were just sitting together, loving one another, when all of a sudden, the boy became very afraid of a bee buzzing around nearby. The boy cried out to his mother. She told him not to be afraid of the bee. As the young boy, still fearful, asked why, his mother opened up her hand. She pulled out a stinger and showed it to the boy. The mother told her son he didn't have to be afraid because the bee had already stung her, therefore it could not sting him. He no longer had any reason to fear.

     In this way, Jesus has forever removed the "stinger" for us. We have no reason to fear death for Jesus has conquered it for us, giving us full access to eternal life in heaven. No longer do we say, "Goodbyes," rather we say, "See you later's." Taylor was a beautiful woman of faith, kindness, and strength. My heart smiles confidently knowing she is laughing, dancing, running, and soaking in the everlasting love, joy, beauty, and peace of being beside her Father in heaven. Ah. Rest in peace, precious angel.

     Though many of us here feel the sting and heartbreak of losing a loved one, my heart fills with hope as I witness a community come together strongly in love, support, prayer, and encouragement. It's truly beautiful to be part of a body of people, like family, who in the midst of tragedy, stop and turn to God, as well as to one another. I love that. That's how we were designed to be, dependent upon God and a part of genuine, supportive community. More than just in the midst of tragedy, but at every moment of every day, depending upon our Savior for guidance, wisdom, strength, love, and peace.

     Romans 8:28 says, "And we know that in all things, God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to this purpose." I already see the goodness and beauty of a powerful, uniting community beginning to form. Let's trust God. Let's forgive one another and never stop loving others. Let's make the best of each day that we have and breath that we take. Life is precious. Let's continue to pray for the Ziebol family, as well as for all of those affected. Jesus, bring comfort and peace in the midst of tragedy. You are good and You are forever, Lord.

Seasons.

HELLO AGAIN BLOGGING WORLD!!!

    

 Season : a time characterized by a particular circumstance or feature.

                                                                                                                                    - Merriam Webster

     We've all heard in life there are different seasons. These seasons can be characterized by all sorts of factors, such as: age, weather, marital status, commitments, current career, etc. As you probably know, I have not written on this blog in a long. stinkin'. time. Since last fall, in fact. There were days when I really wanted to, but didn't seem to have the time. There were days when I had the time, but just didn't feel like it. There were days when I really wanted to and had the time, but not the slightest idea what to write about (believe it or not) or how to put anything into words. Sometimes I worried I'd lost my "writer's touch." Sometimes I felt guilty, as though I was lazy and not doing what God wanted me to. Oh, how wrong I was.

     After all this time, I've learned a lot about different seasons in life. Above all, THEY EXIST! They really do! I'm in a really awesome season of life right now with so many opportunities for ministry, but  with a plethora of accepted opportunities, comes a very full calendar. For many months, I wore myself thin, trying to equally dispense my time, energy, and talents into the various activities that make up my life: school, work, family, friends, youth leading, small groups, writing, mentorships, personal health (exercise, sleep) and more, let alone time with Jesus each day. As a result, each of these areas of my life received an extremely exhausted snippet of my time, energy, and talents.

     As I read the book, "The Resolution for Women," by Priscilla Shirer, I had a major revelation.

I learned that balance is not attempting to equally dispense my efforts into the zillions of demands in life. Rather, balance is prayerfully considering and asking God what our priorities should be in this present season of life. 

When we focus on the current "primary" activities, we are able to give the best of ourselves to them. Meanwhile, this doesn't mean we totally drop/forget about the other activities. It simply means we temporarily place them aside from our present focus, until God instructs us to do otherwise. That said, writing, though one of my biggest passions, was put on hold for awhile as I focused on other ministries, my family, and some key friendships, as well as allowed God to mold my heart into more like His. I have learned A LOT and I am so thankful. About a week ago and confirmed again this weekend, God gave me the green light for writing again and I have such peace about it. No longer a stressor. Hallelujah. What's up, blogging world. I'm back.

Emotions.

Emotions.

We all have them and we all experience them, from ferocious anger to overflowing joy. As women, we are often characterized as being overly emotional.
Newsflash.
Emotions are not bad! In fact, emotions are God-given. We reflect God in that we are emotional. God feels grief, anger, love, passion, and joy, just as we do. Let that sink in for a minute. Emotions themselves are not bad, but rather what we do with negative emotions can be destructive. Before sin entered the world, God had good intentions in designing his people with the ability to experience emotion. All emotions were beneficial and in alignment with God’s nature. After sin entered the world, people began experiencing thoughts and emotions that were not of God. These emotions were self-centered and devastating to relationships. These types of negative emotions still exist today: jealousy, guilt, anger, loneliness, bitterness, worthlessness, and more. Fortunately, these emotions can be helpful when used in the right manner. They can be very telling of where a heart is. For example, there have been times when someone I care about is praised and given much attention for something great. Instead of celebrating with them, I have been jealous. In fact, I have even put myself down for not doing something as well.
Hold up. Where is my heart in this moment?

Proverbs 14:30 NIV says, “A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones.” Philippians 2:3 NIV says, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility, value others above yourselves.”

When I allow these jealous emotions to have their way, they bring nothing but destruction upon myself and my relationship with this individual. Instead of being jealous, I am called to humble myself, love others, and place them before myself.
Emotions can either be constructive or destructive. When we act upon negative thoughts, assumptions are made and havoc is wreaked. We are only to recognize these feelings, not act upon them. Acknowledge negative emotions, but then choose to confront them with truth (God’s Word) – paving the way to constructivism.

Thankful Thirty.

     As November comes to a close, I am overwhelmed with the amount of things I have to be thankful for. God has blessed me with far more than I deserve. I'm tired of complaining and consistently wanting more. I want to develop a heart filled with gratitude and the desire to GIVE, let alone be content. In honor of Thanksgiving, I am going to list thirty things I am thankful for in correspondence with the thirty days of November. In an ideal blogging world, I would have thought of this wonderful, totally not already over-done idea on the first of month, and would have had the time each day to write a deep, thought-provoking, inspiring post. But, here I am on day twenty-five. I certainly do not live in a perfect blogging world, let alone perfect world at all, but I am thankful regardless.

My Top 5

1. God. Every single thing on this list is a blessing stemmed from Him. His grace. His belief in me. His love. His peace. His forgiveness. I could go on and on.
2. My mom. She is the strongest woman, if not person, I know. She is so selfless, hard-working and forgiving. I love her dearly. She also is the silliest lady ever.
3. My dad. He has always been the funny guy. He is so witty. I have so many memories with him that the mere thought of can make me laugh, even cry. My dad will always hold a special place in my heart. I love him very much.
4. B&K. Good, 'ol Brian and Kevin. My twin younger brothers. My mischievous childhood partners in crime. Two of the funniest people in the world... and at times the most irritating. Though, I know I am guilty as well. I love that we all have the same sense of humor. I would give my life for either of them in a heartbeat.
5. Mr. Daniel Juul. I would not be the woman of God I am today without my best friend and sweet love. He is a dear treasure of mine. I thank God for him every day.
6. Friends who love and support me. Genuine friends who encourage me to be the best woman I can be.
7. My doggie, Toby. He brings the silliest, yet weirdest sides out of me and I love it. We frequently dance, snuggle, chase each other, kiss each other, communicate (I make high pitched voices and he barks - quite intelligent, I know), and love each other unconditionally. I am a crazy dog lover and proud.
8. The wise leaders and mentors in my life. Gina Guntlisbergen, Micah and Stephanie MacDonald, among so many others, I would not be the woman I am today without these people and their belief in me!
9. My warm, safe house.
10. My heavenly comfortable bed.
11. My working car.
12. An exceptional education.
13. North Central University.
14. Professors who care for and believe in me.
15. A plethora of food and clean, hot water.
16. A healthy, fully-functioning body.
17. A well-paying, flexible job.
18. Cedar Valley Church.
19. Opportunities to utilize and develop further leadership skills.
20. That I live in America and am able to legally exercise my faith freely.
21. The on-going difficulties my family has endured this past year. They are teaching me patience and to truly trust God, as well as His timing with everything and every relationship in my life. They are causing many Godly characteristics to develop within me. 
22. My mistakes. They have all helped me learn valuable, needed life lessons and shape me into who I am today.
23. My iPhone. This sounds silly, but I am thankful I have such a nifty device that helps keep me connected with others so easily.
24. An awesome laptop + Internet. I don't know how I would have made it this far through college without one! It has helped me so much with more than just writing papers and doing research, but with taking notes, looking up crafts and recipes, writing for pleasure, keeping a calendar, watching movies, storing music/pictures, ordering things, learning how to do new things, finding jobs, and much more.
25. All of the places I have been blessed with the opportunity to travel to, especially outside of the United States - England (June 2008) and Costa Rica (June 2012)!
26. More clothing and shoes than any single human could ever need.
27. Coffee. I daily depend on the Lord's strength, but a little caffeine kick never hurts. ;)
28. Books - especially ones full of wisdom!
29. Music - especially that indie/folk/total hipster stuff. Love it.
30. Candles. The past three things are all so comforting to me. I thank God I am able to afford each of these things and take pleasure in involving them within my leisure time.

"Every good and perfect gift is from above,
coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights,
who does not change like shifting."
- James 1:17 NIV

Here we go, sophomore year!

Thank God for godly friends.

     

     Today is the day! Well, yesterday was technically, but I found some free time to blog today. This week I began my my sophomore year at North Central University and I could not be more excited. I love schedule and structure, so I'm thankful to be back in school. This year I am commuting instead of living the dorm life, which is so great for me. I love North Central, but it's so nice to be able to go home to some "me time" (not to mention a full kitchen). I've found I'm much more efficient with my free time, school work, and time with the Lord this way. I've also been blessed with an awesome after-school nanny job for the entire school year! Check out the cool God story here! Going into this school year I made goals. I hope by sharing them over the world wide web I am kept more accountable. If anything, may they encourage and challenge you to make some goals for yourself!

1. Be frugal and save the money I make!
   
   "Who am I and what can I do without? Rather than who am I because of what I can acquire."
2. In the words of a wise youth leader and friend, Josiah Kennealy, "be early to bed and early to rise." My time with God in the mornings must be and continue to be a major priority above all else.
3. Be organzied, so that I can be successful in school. I want to honor God with my schoolwork and the motivation/dedication I have towards it. 
4. I've been reading a lot lately about loving the Gifter more than His gifts. I want to love and desire God far more than the blessings He has given me. He deserves all the honor and praise!

Here's to a great year!

Always.

Filled 150 water balloons with my nanny kids this summer and put
them all on the trampoline! So fun - this photo does not do it justice!

     "Don't worry about it. You will be just fine. I've got it." These were the words I felt God press upon my heart a few Saturday's ago as I spent time in prayer, unsure of what my job situation was going to look like this coming school year. Last year I regularly over-worked myself. I missed out on a lot of opportunities to bond with my floor and others at NCU, as well as free time on weekends (gotta love retail jobs) to plan events for my youth group girls, let alone just have "me time." Meanwhile, I had been nannying all summer and was so sad to see my wonderful summer job come to an end. I wished there was someway I could still nanny over the school year, but figured it wasn't possible with my 18 credit schedule. So, I applied at a couple places around where I live, but to no avail. No one ever called me.
     Which brings me back to... "Don't worry about it. You will be just fine. I've got it." As difficult as it was, I told God that I trusted Him and knew He'd provide in the ways that I need. Sure enough, only hours later, that evening I received a message from a woman looking for after school childcare four days a week! I responded to her message almost instantly, had an interview the next day after church, and the following evening I had the job. Man, is God faithful or what? Always has been and always will be. Always.

...Actually...posting...a blog?

     Yes, indeed! This is my first blog post in almost TWO MONTHS! This summer has been crazy busy with mission trips, camp counseling, family vacations, nannying, and more, but so great. I have been learning so much. As stated in my last blog post, in June I traveled to Costa Rica for 10 days, along with a team of 31 leaders and high school students from my youth group. We worked alongside an amazing missionary family, the Dahlager's. We had the privilege of ministering to over 6,000 students through personal interaction, school assemblies, church services, and an outreach concert.
     I, personally, had never been on a mission trip before this trip. It changed my life forever! Here is just a snippet of cool stories and things I learned:

• Missionaries are selfless, sacrificial, and deserve much more honor than they receive. Many take their families and give up a regular American lifestyle in order to share with others around the world the hope and freedom they have in Jesus.
• PRAYER IS POWERFUL. One night we did a presentation in an alternative school. This was the only school we were told we couldn’t talk about God. We were also given a shorter time slot than we had in the other schools. While part of our team was setting up the band equipment, the rest of us began to pray around the building. Just before the presentation, something miraculous happened – the director of the school extended our time slot and gave us permission to talk about God! The band rocked out, two other team members and I shared our testimonies, and one of our youth pastors, Micah, shared a powerful message. Micah made sure the students knew that regardless of what had happened in their lives, they still have value. People were crying, God was moving, and lives were changed. At the end of the night, a student told the director that a month ago her father shot her mother. Her mother had survived, but the girl was so devastated that she had been planning to commit suicide that very night, but she had found hope again! Only God could have orchestrated all this. Only God could have changed the mind of the director at the last minute, allowing us to talk about God.
•    I feel very called to work in women’s ministry – writing and speaking. This was confirmed to me throughout the trip, as I was given the opportunity to share my testimony, a righteous victory over an eating disorder, with other 6,000 students! It was so cool and rewarding to be able to talk with, pray over, and encourage students struggling with their self-image. I am currently working on a book for women regarding self-worth.
•    Want less; give more. We should make the most of the time and resources that we have been blessed with. What better way than to love on and bless other people? I am so passionate about missions!

Hanging out with some girls before our big outreach concert!

We went zip-lining on one of our last days!

Sharing my testimony in one of the high schools!

Our team at the airport right before we left!

It's the big day!

My team and I, who will be working with high schoolers in Costa Rica.
There is another team from our church who will be working with children in Costa Rica.

     

     Today is the big day! After months of preparation and prayer, a team of students, fellow leaders, and I are traveling to Costa Rica for 10 days! Please keep us, as well as the people we will be serving/ministering to in your prayers! May God's will be done on this trip!

"Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.

And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people."

- Ephesians 6:10-18

Hello Summer!

     ... and it is finished. Freshmen year = accomplished. Crazy summer classes = accomplished. With all that's happened with my family over the past year, things have been crazy, but I'm finally taking a deep breath and writing again. The challenges I've been through this year have pushed me to the edge, to major points of really having to decide which path to take. Although, they have and continue to make me stronger, truly forcing me to depend on the Lord in all aspects. Now that the pressure of school has been lifted for the next three and a half months or so, I'm feeling a wave of relief. I'm pretty pumped about this summer! Here are some goals of mine:

- Travel places. See God's creation and meet more of the interesting people He loves. (P.S. 19 days until Costa Rica!)
- Go camping
- Write, write, write (a ton of my book!)
- Save money
- Get plugged into a young adult group/ministry
- Be a kick-butt, awesome nanny
- Basically more firmly plant my identity in Christ and become more of the woman He's called me to be
- Start a girls bible study with my youth group students (This is something God put on my heart to begin last fall.)
- Just love, love, love every single day.

Summer '12 Snapshots: 5/27 Great night with my handsome wedding date, :)
ended by running the city blocks of Chaska, MN in the pouring rain!
Oh, summer memories.

Fear(less)

image source

     Fear; it inhibits us, deters us from saying and doing things, too often restricts us from all life has to offer. I've been thinking a lot about fear lately and how much power I give it over my heart and life.

"How much differently would you live your life if you lived without any fear?"

     I haven't been able to get that question out of mind over the past week. If a vacuum were to suck up all the fear and emotions that are results of fear within me, I would live so much more freely. I would step out and speak more life into individuals. I would never let a chance to share the love of God pass by again. I wouldn't give my appearance/what others think a negative second thought. I wouldn't worry or be jealous. I would have such a peace about every aspect of my life... family, friends, financial, my future... I could go on and on! A life without fear sounds incredible and that is what I'm striving for. 1 John 4:18 says, "There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love." In order to live lives absent of fear, we must live lives overflowing with love.

Roller Coaster Life

image source   

     Life... what a roller coaster it can be; a wild ride that often takes twists and turns without any warning to its passengers. Recently i've been overwhelmed with a heavy family situation, a mountainous amount of schoolwork as my freshmen year comes to a close, and far more hours scheduled at work than my body can physically handle, resulting in sickness. As you can probably tell, unfortunately time to blog has been far in few in-between lately.
     Although, I'm holding on to my lap bar. My "life roller coaster" has taken an unexpected, undesired turn, but there's no way I'm jumping off. I am thankful for all of my fellow passengers that have comforted me along the way - friends, professors, and leaders who have encouraged, prayed with, and just been there for me. I recently read a quote from John Piper, pastor of Bethlehem Baptist Church in Minneapolis, MN, "I have never known a season of joy unmixed with sorrow or sorrow unmixed with joy. The former comes. The latter passes away." As times of sorrow end, times of joy begin. At the end of this life twist, there will come a time when the track straightens out once again. Though I will not be the same as I was before, no, my hair may be out of place, but as I sit back, now able to see more of the entire ride instead of a single twist, I have a greater appreciation and understanding for the twist and the current time of peace. From my experience, I will have greater trust in the ride operator (the Lord), as another twist approaches. It too will come to an end and I will become a wiser, stronger rider (tool for the Lord to use) because of it.

Winter Camp 2012 - Unleashed

     This past weekend I had the incredible privilege of attending my youth group's weekend winter retreat as a junior high leader. We traveled to a Holiday Inn in Elk River and spent a couple nights there. The theme of the weekend was "unleashed," with Micah MacDonald as the speaker. Unleashed, defined as, "to set free from as if from a leash; let loose." Set free from the things that hold us back from growing in Christ and equipped with the tools to become truly set apart from them. Let loose to freely worship the King of Kings. Unleashed into our schools, families, work places, and communities empowered to be Jesus to the people around us. Here's some snippets I thought'd I'd share from the weekend:

I love these kids so much. Being a youth leader
is one of the greatest privileges in the world!

• God is a passionate, jealous for YOU God.
• Jesus cannot unleash himself if you're sharing his master position in your life with other things. When you serve both masters, you are defeated.
• Your life is either completely sold out for the cause of Christ, or sold out for something else.
• Take your net (could be your past, sin, bitterness, anger, alcohol, sex, drugs, low self-worth, etc.) that is entangling you, throw it out, and surrender to God.
• The ministry of Christ is always an honor and privilege to be a part of. When it no longer is, it becomes the ministry of you.
• If Peter hadn't thrown out his net, he never would have experienced the revelation of Christ in his life. Will you not miss it?
• God is a God of order and perfect timing.
• The disciples left and gave up everything to serve the Lord. Be willing to give up everything, so that others may know Jesus.
• How would your heart change if you began to pray for your enemies? Pray for those you are angry and upset with or who you may feel have wronged you.
• Who you're friends with determines who you become.
• Ask yourself, "is this person going to help me become more like Christ?"
• One of my students received the gift of tongues! Something she had been praying for for months and months!
• One of my students also received extremely powerful, vivid visions.

     There were so many more experiences, conversations, situations and prayer times with students that so challenged me and caused me to grow as a leader; such a blast. I thank God for this weekend.

I made one of these for each of my fourteen
lovely junior high students. :)

Every Single Woman in the World Should Watch This

"A Man's Promise"

This video broke me.

"You are worth so much more than what the world offers."
My heart honestly breaks for each and every one of you. You are so beautiful and so, oh my goodness, LOVED, and worth so much more than what the world has told you. The way God has made you... with all of the gifts, the abilities, the talents, the things that stir within your heart, God has placed them there and for such divine purpose at that. YOU. ARE. INCREDIBLE. Truly take that to heart - do not just skim over this, as if its some other girly encouragement, my heart is broken for you and the wrongs the world, men, and even other women may have caused you in your life. No longer base your beauty on your appearance or the approval of others. No longer, I tell you. Do not give the enemy a foothold in your life. You are worth so much more. I love you all so much, and infinitely more does your heavenly Father.

My Mother's Story

My parents being baptized on February 19th, 2012,
at Cedar Valley Church in Bloomington, MN.   

     My mother shared her incredibly encouraging, powerful story at her Alpha class last night. I know this is rather long, but if you have some free time, please trust me, you will not regret reading this. You will laugh. You will smile. You may cry. You will be empowered. I could not be more proud of my amazing mom.

Written by Beth Novak:

Hi, I am Beth Novak, and I would like to share with you how God has, and continues to, heal me. My story is two-fold, in that God has been helping me with spiritual healing and healing over an addiction for the past several months.

I grew up in a family where we attended church, but we never really talked about God. In a family where we had Bibles, but we rarely opened them. I think we went to church because my parents thought it was the “right thing to do.” I went to Sunday school and was later confirmed at a Lutheran Church, but I honestly think that I was in it more for the youth ski trips, retreats and just hanging out with friends than for getting to know God or to build a relationship with him.

I didn’t really have much to do with church again until my husband, Victor, and I were planning to get married. We went through our pre-marital classes at our local Lutheran Church, and remained in the Lutheran Church as regular and active members for 23 years. As we began our family, attending church was very important to me. I wanted my children to go to Sunday school to learn about God and to be confirmed, just like I did. Because it was the “right thing to do.”

I became a Sunday school teacher and later, a confirmation leader. You might say that we attended church “religiously.” I felt like I was “doing the right thing,” but that was it. It was a routine, an action, a sort of “going through the motions.” A practice of customs and traditions. A religion, but no relationship with God.

I definitely felt like something was missing in my life, but I didn’t know what it was. I had a good job and a great family. I had considered myself to be a Christian (according to the definition I had for being a Christian…which was someone who believed in God and attended church). But still, I felt insecure and alone.

Four years ago, our teenage daughter, Amanda, was invited to Cedar Valley Church with a friend’s family. She began to attend the Wednesday night Paradigm Group for High School students. It was here where she invited Jesus Christ into her life and she has not been the same since – Praise God!! She is “on fire” for the Lord!! I could see and feel this new joy and power within her and I was eager to feel it too. She would invite us to services and special events and I could see that this joy and peace within people was actually quite common here, at CVC. What was going on here that I wasn’t finding elsewhere?

We began to regularly attend Cedar Valley Sunday Services last year and that is where we learned about the Alpha program.

But, before I tell you how discovering Alpha has changed my life, I must back up a bit and tell you about the stronghold that the devil had on me. You see, for much of my adult life, I used alcohol…excuse me…I overused alcohol to numb my feelings of emptiness and low self-worth.

My mother was an alcoholic, so this should not have been a surprise to me. However, I thought I was different. I thought that I could have a few drinks or glasses of wine to feel good, and that I could quit at any time and in my own power. I was wrong. You see, I began to drink more as life became more difficult. As my job became more stressful, I drank more. As my children became teenagers, with teenage “issues”, I drank more. As my drinking caused problems in my marriage, I drank more. And, as I became worried about how much I was drinking, unfortunately, I drank more.

I actually realized a few years ago that I NEEDED to quit drinking. No problem. I am a smart person. I want to quit – then I will quit. Right? Wrong.

Although I tried dozens of times to quit drinking on my own, each time I tried, I failed quickly and miserably. If I was actually able to make it for a whole week, then that was it. I would ALWAYS fall by the second week. I did a pretty good job of covering up my addiction except to those closest to me. I was smart about never driving after drinking, so as not to get a DUI which would not only put many people in danger, but it would also put my name in the local paper (causing embarrassment), send me to jail (which would make me feel a failure) and cost us lots of money in legal and insurance fees. There were plenty of times when my kids had to find a ride with a friend or not go to an event at all, because I had been drinking. I never called in sick due to drinking from the night before, but I am sure that I did very little actual work on the days when my head was pounding and my stomach was queasy from the prior night’s binge. Oh how I pretended I was OK, keeping my problem secret. The truth is…I was a mess and I wanted to be rescued.

The devil was VERY PLEASED at where he had me…Unhappy with who I was, Overwhelmed and stressed at my job, Unable to keep my marriage from growing apart, and addicted to alcohol. Yes, the evil one was winning and his greatest pleasure came from the fact that I really had no personal relationship with the only One who could rescue me from all of this...The Lord, Our God.

But, THIS IS WHERE THE STORY TURNS!!!  My decision to join Alpha last September was a life changing one. On the very first night, when Pastor Tom asked us to bow our heads, close our eyes, and raise our hands if we wanted to accept Jesus into our hearts and into our lives, my hand went up, high in the air (I am a little short and I didn’t want God to miss me)! I hungered to really KNOW God and to feel his love for me. I wanted what I knew I was missing - The joy and peace that I could sense in the Christians I was meeting at Cedar Valley, and in my daughter who was becoming a beautiful woman of God right before my very eyes. I too, wanted to follow Jesus and experience what they all have.

OK, well that was easy. Just raise your hand in a room full of closed eyes and bowed heads. Pray the prayer of asking for forgiveness and inviting God into your life through Jesus Christ, his Son…All done very quietly and personally. No one needs to know how messed up I am.

Pastor Tom asked everyone who made the decision to follow Christ that night to come up and pray with him before leaving.  This is where I felt bold enough to share with him, very quietly, that I too, struggle with alcohol. After all, he had just given his testimony which included his drinking problem, so I did not feel shame in admitting that I have the same problem. He asked me to call him very soon so we could meet. He said that he could give me the hope and tools I could use to climb out of this hole. I believe that he meant for me to call him in a day or two. Hmmm…it took me 6 weeks to contact Pastor Tom about this…The delay would be the devil again trying to hold me in his grasp. The devil is very persistent with his attacks when he sees you move towards God.

It was October 17^th. I had drunk a bottle of wine plus a portion of a second bottle the night before. In the morning, I poured the leftover wine down the sink and stated out loud to God that this was it. I am done, but I need His help. It was a very short prayer…GOD PLEASE HELP ME. It seems to me that when we are at our lowest lows, in our deepest despair, we are able to pray only a few words. God knows our needs even without the words, but we cry out for him and hope that he responds. Make no mistake, he hears our cries.

That day, everything began to change. I contacted Pastor Tom, who stated that he had been praying for and waiting for my call since I told him of my problem 6 weeks prior. We met two days later and he gave me so much hope and prayer that I knew I could do this, with God’s help this time. I will never forget the bible verse he sent me away with. It was Galatians 5:1…It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand Firm then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery. I kept this scripture in my pocket and referred to it many times over the next few several weeks as a reminder to stand firm in this fight.

 A few days following my meeting with Pastor Tom, I attended Holy Spirit Saturday. I was 6 days sober and I wanted that trend to continue. I learned that the Holy Spirit becomes a part of us when we give our lives to Jesus. The Holy Spirit guides you as you walk with God. He gives you power that you never had before you knew God. Through His power, you can accomplish great things for God.

I stand here today to tell you that, because of the power of the Holy Spirit in me, I have stood firm against the slavery of alcohol. Today is my 136^th day of freedom. That is a miracle and the glory is ALL His!!!!

But that is not all! Ten days ago, I was water baptized here at Cedar Valley. This was an outward expression of my inner commitment to follow Christ. Although I asked Jesus into my life in early September, I couldn’t really feel a relationship with him until I got rid of the barrier…the sin. You see, it is sin which blocks us from getting closer to God. My alcohol abuse prevented a real relationship from forming between me and God. Once that sin was removed…the bridge was wide open and I started to feel his healing power and his love right away. I am a new Christian and I am growing in little ways each day.

However, my life is not without problems. In fact, I believe that the devil has recently stepped up his attacks to try and take me back under his influence. The devil would like nothing more than to see me fall. But he is powerless against our ALL POWERFUL God. The Holy Spirit helps me to recognize the devil’s messages for the LIES that they really are. I am a new creation in Christ, growing in my walk with him every day, and I am excited to see how he will use me to help others and to bring him glory. Thank you and God bless.